I’m convinced I have a clone. The clone does things I don’t think should be necessary. For instance, the clone has to fetch her reading glasses to peer at cooking instructions on things. The real me doesn’t need them becoz I’m not old and my eyesight is therefore 20/20.
Another thing the clone does is go out and buy a gadget which helps her unscrew stiff bottles and jars. The real me scoffs at such nonsense, on the grounds that I do not have arthritis in my fingers.
The cloned me had another job today – inaugurating the Pinchy Shoes Project. One of the reasons the shoes were pinchy was because the clone has developed a bunion on her right foot (thanks, Mum) as well as a bit of arthritis. Obviously a problem for her. My real self is young and can run and jump and climb up cliffs.
The other reason for the PSP was that the wretched shoes SQUEAKED. They squeaked inside themselves and they squeaked outside themselves too. I didn’t realise this, as they didn’t squeak on the carpet at home. However, every single footstep squeaked on a cathedral stone floor. Thank heavens for a loud organ.
Anyway, we couldn’t afford for that to happen again; but my clone’s choice of shoe is very restricted. The heel needs to be wedge. The toes need to be rounded. And the upper must not cut across her poor old lady bunion.
So she did some research, and discovered the ELT shop the other side of Torquay which showed more promise than any other site. So she visited the shop and turned her clone-style Laser Beam on the display, mentally discarding 99% of the stock. She tracked down five in the end, and tried them all on, and they either slipped up and down on her heel, even at half a size smaller … or they were just too darned tight.
Eventually the nice lady assistant ventured to suggest that a pair she had ignored might be more comfortable than she expected. She wore them herself, she offered: she had a bunion too, and she recommended them. Look.
Gloomily, Clone surveyed the trim, smart pair of black suede wedgy shoes she produced. Clone would never fit her bunion into that.
In despair, she did the Cinderella thing and tried the shoes. Well my ears and whiskers. Her feet went in.
She walked around the shop. Slightly tight, but being suede, they will stretch.
Won’t suede wear thin in patches? my clone enquired suspiciously.
Mine haven’t, and I’ve had them for years.
Reader, I-Clone bought them. I hope to goodness she’s made the right decision. I won’t put up with any more Foot Fuss. It’s all a load of nonsense. She just wants attention.
(cartoon from persuasion-and-influence.blogspot.com)