MORE FROM JOHN AGARD: WEATHERMAN

I am de weatherman
and dere’s no dreaderman
in English company
than de weatherman
and dat’s me

I am de weatherman
de ghost at every conversation
rising higher than inflation
de shadow across your day
controlling your destiny
with visions of grey

I am de weatherman
I come dancing out of thin air
to send my chilly breath
down the reaches of your ear and neck
and dere’s nothing your thermal vest
could do about it you hear

I am de weatherman
your friendly prophet of doom
de eternal conversation piece
but occasionally I make room
for football results and British Leyland

I am de weatherman
standing back with professional ease
smiling a sweet 2 degrees
below zero smile
because I’m a sadist at heart
and enjoy watching you freeze

(from ‘Mangoes and Bullets’)

(I think this is fun and so mischievous!)