Scientist discovers ‘being a dog’ is key to reducing stress

a can-do attitude to the problems of the worldAn expert in making people worry about dying believes she’s found a new weapon to combat one of Britain’s most prolific killers. By concentrating a bit harder on becoming a member of the canine family, the public could avoid stress altogether, according to her report.

‘Modern life gives people far too many things to worry about,’ claims Dr Nigella Gresley. ‘But it may already be too late for some of us to go back and do things differently. By evolving into multi-celled organisms, eventually adopting the class ‘Mammalia’ and going on to develop self-awareness and a fear of looking a bit fat in a cocktail dress, humans have a lot of ground to make up if they’re to devolve back to dog levels of insane, care-free frivolity.’

‘I tried attaching our state-of-the-art stress monitoring equipment to a beagle.’ explained Gresley. ‘Unfortunately, it tried to fight it, mate with it and then bury it in the garden.’ This behaviour is of course a ‘coping mechanism’ according to the scientist. ‘And it works: ‘Jimbo never cries himself to sleep or clenches his paws in frustrated rage.’ said Gresley. ‘Even if the neighbours garden is a disgrace, or there are clues that his owner’s husband MIGHT BE HAVING AN AFFAIR.’

Gresley has other evidence that being a member of the Family Canidae is better for you, having now spent many evenings at home, with nothing for company other than a pair of spaniels. ‘They’re just as capable as anyone of polishing off a whole tub of ice-cream while they watch Bridget Jones,’ she theorised, ‘but astonishingly, in the morning they don’t seem to exhibit any symptoms at all of self-loathing, regret or CHECKING MIKE’S TEXT MESSAGES AND VOICEMAIL.’

Gresley believes more research is needed into how becoming a completely different species might improve people’s lives, especially if they can’t face another messy divorce. ‘There’s a lot to be said for throwing yourself into a life as an animal, particularly when you work out how much time you’ve wasted with a SELFISH, SELF-CENTRED PIG, in dog years,’ she wailed.

The not-bad-looking-considering-what-she’s-been-through doctor has sworn to lose a few pounds and get her hair done before repeating the experiment. ‘And then we’ll be looking further afield to check on the stresses endured by other animals, but we’re expecting to confirm our earlier results,’ she suggested. ‘Apparently, there are plenty more fish out there in the sea, and most of them are really, really happy.’

(thanks to my new friend NewsBiscuit)




20 thoughts on “AVOID STRESS: BECOME A DOG

  1. I think I am quite dog-like at times and at those times I am definitely happy – barking and and so on…so I think this article very good. 😉

    I like the picture of the insanely happy dog…..:)


  2. Yes….and what has mine been doing today? I have been in the sunshine, he has been ‘messing’ all round the garden and I had to clean up.

    He has been laying in the shade and kicked his water everywhere

    I have been running back and forth getting more water.

    I cooked my dinner and his…went outside without him for 10 mins to set a nice corner…he emptied the bin all over the kitchen floor.

    I need a kick up the backside for not doing what I SHOULD have been doing…
    He needs a kick up the back side ‘period’ today!!!

    But I love him

    P xx


  3. ‘Unfortunately, it tried to fight it, mate with it and then bury it in the garden’ … hmm. i can’t (somehow) picture myself doing this … but i get your meaning! i did a blog on my dog (so many moons ago), about how they live in the moment.
    And, of course, it’s perfect fine to be a dog – as long as you’re with a loving family who dote on you and not living in one of those countries that trap you in cages and skin you alive …
    perhaps i should be more positive?
    nice thought though.
    kaye x


    1. :)) but :no: when it comes to dogs in China, for instance … but it did make me laugh. And that was very de-stressing 😉 As in de-stressing. Not as in distressing :crazy:


  4. It was me losing sleep over my dog going to the vet not my dog he couldnt careless even when he got there he saw it as getting lots of attention and he would just shout and snarl if they hurt him.lol.xx


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