ARE WE NICER ON THE BLOG THAN IN REAL LIFE?

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(picture from http://easyquestion.net/thinkagain/2010/01/)

Do you think you’re a nicer person on your blog than you are in real life?? This question was raised by an article I read this week and it intrigued me! Do we all have a ‘persona’ that we put forward on our blogs, that is only made up of the bits of us we are happy for other people to read?

Or is the opposite sometimes true – that people put all their most prejudiced views on their blogs – so they might be nicer in real life, if we only knew them U-(

It’s true that things can be misunderstood on blogs. One person’s ‘airing frustrations’ might be another person’s ‘ranting’. So the potential for misunderstanding each other is probably infinite |-|

Terence Blacker reckons that ‘I am nicer behind the screen than I am in real life – more tolerant, less gabby, wittier, kinder. If someone is rude to me, I try to respond in a dignified tone, or simply rise above the insult. These things rarely happen in the real, physical world.’

He goes on ‘There is always the worry that someone who knows me online will be disappointed by my more garrulous, less interesting non-digital self’.

I suppose on the blog we can be more measured in our responses, if we want to: we can take time to think about what somebody’s said, and decide what we want to reply. As he says, this doesn’t usually happen in real life – we can get worked up and blurt something out that we then regret!

Also, in blogworld we can even change our responses. If we don’t like what we’ve said, or what someone else has said, we can go back and delete it or edit it. We can’t do that in the real world. Even when we try and make something right in the ‘real world’, the original comment will always be there, in somebody else’s mind, or in our own.

It’s a fascinating thought. What do you make of it?

(From Terence Blacker Notebook Independent 2 March 2012)

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63 thoughts on “ARE WE NICER ON THE BLOG THAN IN REAL LIFE?

      1. Tonight we’ve been out for an Indian meal and a bottle of wine so we’re well happy. Tomorrow we’re off to Southport and Merseyside for a mini blogmeet with Plantpot.

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  1. I think people can miss so much in normal conversation, there are too many distractions, but on the blog you can pause to think what is this person saying really saying…so you can respond a little better than if you was talking to the person.

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  2. People know our style as plantpot said gilly we all have one even if its under another name we are reckonized. 0ver a period of time that we write people get to know who we are.xx

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      1. I know its true because i had a blog i closed some years ago and as soon as i came back under another name some one knew who it was and said so without letting me know who they were.xx

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  3. We do have more time to concider what some one says before we answer but i think we would respond just as quickly if it was some thing we really didnt like. Also i know if i was offended by some thing personal i would react the same way as i would any where else and not answer probably.

    I think if anything we are more ourselves here and pour out things we would never tell any one else.

    We on occashions show the two sides of us we all have which is a rare thing. I speak more from the heart here than i would any where else becase i would be more scared of being myself and being taken advantage of of the net.xx

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      1. I am not sure i would call it braver but then again i suppose it could be called that and i think it applys to us all. The thing is most of us dont get the option of pouring out our troubles to anyone outside of the net nobody wants to know they have there own troubles. If we spoke out on the street or to a friend as we do here very often they would start stearing clear of us.lol.xx

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  4. We are not under any stress or deadlines here. We post when we are ready to post, and most of all, we can edit what we have to say. In real life, what is said, is said! I think you are all great people and I won’t have to edit that!

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  5. I think most people are different with different people in real life…. ?? I am different with the Priest than I am with my mother or daughter for example…. so I am sure we all have a ‘blog’ persona whether we realise it or not.

    And also, as you said, we have time to deliberate our comments and responses to people so we don’t react straight away in a fit of whatever unless our buttons are very seriously pushed – or alternatively react very freely because we feel ‘safe’ from physical response.

    Since I have had my desert-times blog one person did guess I used to be somebody else several years back…. so I must be recognisable even when blogging different content….

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      1. Yes… I think it might be quite difficult to disguise yourself really…… you might succeed to start with but then just lapse and be your usual self after a while :)) !

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  6. I am always myself with people on or off the blog. Trouble is, being this age, not working or going places anymore, I don’t have very much opportunity to talk with anyone! But I am nice to the checkout girls, the wait-staff if we are out eating, thank a man if he holds the heavy door open and always pray in church after hearing who needs prayer that particular week.
    Must admit, in church I heard some stuff. How the sufferings off others are so much more than I have, it does one good to find out, Gilly!
    So, yes! I am as nice as I can be to anyone, even a man sitting on the pavement needing something in his hand.
    Must admait, however, years ago when I was younger, busier and could not keep up, I would often snap at people, especially hubby!
    With much love: JW XXX

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    1. I am sure you’re always lovely to people, Charlotte! That’s what comes across in all that you write. Do hope your health is improving somewhat.

      I think when we are relaxed it’s easier to be kind to people than when we are over-busy and tired :yes:

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      1. Oh! Thank you for such kind words, Gilly. I am still keeping up with Nigerian happenings, but have heard nothing lately.
        Our Christians, even up in Kano now, are being beleagured and some murdered. Many are running for their lives.
        Nobody is supposed to talk about this, but I declare that certain Muslims are becoming stronger and bolder all over our world.
        On the other hand, there are still many very dear people who live the Muslim faith and feel no hatred to those who are Christian.

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      2. I agree, Charlotte, it is so important to remember that most Muslims are peace-loving and the trouble is created by the few extremists, rather than the many. There is terrible trouble in Nigeria – a bomb went off at a church last Sunday. We must continue to pray for them ALL, whatever faith they profess.

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      3. I dread to think about it, but today is Sunday yet again. I wonder what has happened already in yet another church.
        How sorry I am for these Christians. Our missionaries introduced them to ‘gentle Jesus’ in the late 1980’s and they believed and passed it onto their children.
        but now, we have all left and they are alone. They must feel so abandoned and think, “Where is Jesus now? and where are the soldiers from America and England to save us?”

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      4. I am not really sure what picture of Jesus the early missionaries put over. I rather fear that it may have been of a blonde westerner with blue eyes. Since then of course there has been the rise of African contextual theology, and some lovely African art depicting Jesus as African.

        They aren’t asking for armed assistance and they probably won’t – that belongs to their hated ‘colonial past’ – it’s time Africa sorted its own problems.

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      5. Oh Gilly: Talking about contextual theology and some lovely African Art to honour Jesus as African. You should hear some of the church choirs here in Alabama…just absolutely fantastic – brings tears to your eyes!!
        One of our rare vocalists, Whitney Houston, was taken suddenly two weeks ago. She, too, grew up in one of those churches and learned how to really sing like the others. Most are blessed with that wonderful ability to worship with all their heart!

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  7. An excellent question Gilly. I am for the most part as I show myself on blogland, but I have to admit that there are some situations where in the real world, I might be much less tolerant of people than I am in the virtual world. In other words in the real world, I would just walk away…but in blogland somehow I feel that I need to be more tolerant.
    x

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    1. That’s an interesting comment, Janet, thanks. I wonder whether we are more aware that we’re communicating with people of very different backgrounds and beliefs in blogland, and so the need is greater to be more open and tolerant. In everyday life our circles are smaller and tend to be more similar to ourselves, perhaps 🙄

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    1. Yes! the blog does make us realise that we are part of a worldwide community and we have to decide how we’re going to handle that :yes: Good point, Cactus.

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      1. Like I said….think anyone knows me well enough these days…nasty and horrid…even son don’t turn up that often 😉

        No serious…I am me and always will be…take it or lump it….I mis read posts and put up comments and people say???? But I am there/here and will always be the veritable pain in the rectum.

        P xx

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      2. But it is as you say…people can be anything on here…Except I share my family etc….I could for all you know be a man trying to lure people as has been done so many times and murders etc.

        Don’t think there is another paulinemom on the http://www….but say I created a profile of ‘happy bunny’ or something and made myself to be 18 years old…found a pic and added to my profile…easy done these days…the spider would catch a fly..

        Frightening isn’t it.

        P xx

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      3. Yeah :yes: and of course lots of people do just that. Do you agree with Plantpot, that even if you went under another name people who knew you from your current blog would be able to guess it was you??

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      4. It could be a game … some of us could start another blog under an alias … then see how long it took our blog friends to discover us!!!

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  8. I think we probably are nicer for the reasons you say….in real life we can’t walk away or cool off wheras on a blog we can….I think I’m nicer here…lol

    I also think I’m far more boring as a blogger than I actually am in real life…..double lol….xxxxx

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      1. Well we all decided recently we should behave nicely in blogland :yes: but I wonder how many of us might have another blog under another name where we say EXACTLY what we think 88| – and it’s under another name because we don’t want people to know that’s what we’re really like!!!

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      2. I never thought of that!!!
        But I think you could work out a person even under a phony name as everyone does have a distinct style….I bet I could recognise you if you started a new blog under a new name even if you were being horrid! lol xxxx

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      3. Crumpets – would you really?? 8| Help … *rushes off to (mythical) blog and feverishly changes details*

        Funnily enough, I caught one of my previous blog friends doing just that – I got suspicious, especially when he mentioned the name of his wife which was exactly the same in his other blog … and when I challenged him he deleted me :no: 😉

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      4. Hahahahaha….

        Wow! Really….well the things people think off!!! I bet you were glad to get shut of him!

        I can’t get my head around why someone would do that….weird or what!xxxx

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      5. Maybe if one wrote the nasty blog in sloppy with ‘Private Eye’ style nicknames for everyone it would take time for people to work out who it was?

        Quite good fun to post “Rev A was a bit off colour this morning which was sadly reflected in his sermon” as oneself, and “padre pssd as newt ths AM: talked bum-numbing racist rot 4 over 1/2 hr!!!” as Ms Nasty (sorry, even when posing as Ms Nasty I can’t bring myself to use up to date obscenities, but resort to out of date slang!) By the way, the Rev A fortunately doesn’t exist.

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