‎’Every person can become a liar, as words become a defence mechanism, a way of reacting against a fellow human being, oneself, or sometimes God.’ (Andre Louf)



28 thoughts on “LIES AND SELF-DEFENCE

      1. Yeah, I realised … 😉 but I thought it was EXCELLENT that you phoned her and took charge of the conversation and held out the olive branch … (loud clapping and cheers from sidelines) … what she does with it is her responsibility, not yours … you’ve done your bit, in my humble opinion!


      2. Thank you…… I did try…. but she just wouldn’t play ball so I can now retire gracefully from the scene and hope she keeps angry and away for a good long while now! :)) :))

        I’m really liking having ideas in Mass…. I am beginning to realise they are usually good ones… which means I ought to be making skirts and aprons and all sorts of wonderful artistic things! 🙂


      3. :)) The aprons inspiration went on for months and months – most puzzling… and I never made a single one 😳 but then I found out – having got involved with the Carmelites…. that the scapular is also known as ……. an apron! 🙂


  1. As a child I used to tell the truth and it got me into so much trouble. we were taught that to tell lies was a sin.

    My mother asked me what I thought of her new hat, I told her it looked like a mop. she wouldn’t wear it then for church and I found conflict and anguish in telling the truth or sinning.


    1. Telling the truth and telling lies seem to shift about, don’t they, Indigo? What you can say to one person you can’t say to another. This is more true of our profession than most, I guess – we are committed to telling the truth, but not everybody can hear it – and we have to temper what we see as ‘telling the truth’ (which may only be partial, because none of us sees that clearly) with wisdom and pastoral care.


      1. yes I see what you mean, its difficult. X its takes a clever person to get it right. I’m sure you do the best you can in the most difficult of circumstances.


  2. I have a “friend” who had the offer of free psychotherapy man years ago.It was connected to some awful happening at her place of work.She didn’t tell me what.After 2 or 3 visits she terminated the .She said to me “How woll the therapist know if i a, telling lies?”
    At the time i was puzzled wondering why one would tell lies but it’s obviously more complex than i knew.Her second reason was that she asked how long therapy would take and when the therapist said she was unable to say at such an early stage that provided another excuse for termination.I have felt sorry since as she’s had a very tough life.Now I sometimes wonder when she talks to me if she is telling the truth.that’s partly why I put “friend” not friend.she also said she preferred too get help from her friends than a therapist,but one can’t always rise to the occasion when someone phones out of the blue and becomes very reactive if asked to call at a different time.
    I see the defence mechanism sprang in before therapy took a hold and maybe it was not the right person for her.Who knows even if what she told me was the truth?It makes relationships tough if you can’t trust someone to tell at least partial truth.Or to attempt to do so.


    1. All sorts of questions come to mind, Kathryn. I don’t think therapy works if the client is not willing to cooperate. It can help uncover what we are lying to ourselves about, which can be very helpful. Maybe she didn’t like the therapist, maybe she wasn’t ready to do real work on herself … and I don’t think it’s fair to dump on friends – friendship is not the same as professional therapy, although good friendships can be very healing!


      1. I know we deceive ourselves but she was referring to deliberate lying.I found it odd but then I don;t have experience except when i needed help i wanted to tell the truth as far as I consciously knew it.But it may be linked to INSECURITY ??~she’s never been able to have therapy since and she’s had a very tough life.I think she could have asked to be given a different person as it was a large organisation that she was referred to.~Maybe she somehow sensed it would be too painful.She tells lies to me..I’ve noticed a few times bit others maybe i never knew.?she wanted someone who could tell when she was deliberately lying.
        Lying is a problem unless you have a very good memory or keep a journal of your lies.


      2. Indeed! :)) I think sometimes people prefer the pain that they are used to, to the pain that they will go through if they try and sort themselves out.

        I’d be interested in Bushka’s view on this one.


      1. A lot more than people would believe…or with which they are credited…;) Not not that they are really bothered by ‘what people think’… XXX


      2. I’m suspecting that there’s an overlap between Louf’s concept of ‘God’ and ‘prayer’ as being within oneself and needing access and setting free … and the Jungian (?) idea of the ‘inner landscape’ … 🙄


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